What could be better than one baby???

Well TWO, of course! And where does this other baby come from?

hmmmm, well, yes, we have more news. I am PREGNANT!

True story.

It's a very long, long story. But it's an amazing story. I will do my best to sum up. Back in June we got a call out of the blue from our fertility doctor. They were doing an In-Vitro trial, using new methods, and they thought we were good candidates for it, so they were offering us this amazing opportunity to participate in the trial. Of course I said yes we want to participate. duh! But I/we were So shocked!!

Wow. Didn't expect THAT phone call in a million, perhaps billion, years. Kirk and I discussed it and decided that we wouldn't tell anyone about it but our parents. We have been through two previous rounds of InVitro that didn't work and It was just too hard when it didn't work and we had to tell all our friends and family. It sucked. We were working so hard on our adoption stuff and trying to find our baby and we decided that we would put our faith in the Lord for this InVitro, and in the meantime keep working on adoption and the things we were doing. After all, the Lord gave us this opportunity, we just decided to put it all together in His hands.

So we started all the meds and stuff we needed to do in July. There was a timing issue and the doctor called on my birthday to tell us the timing was off and we need to scrap this cycle and go again in August. Ok. why not.

So we started it all over again in August. I should insert here that when the doctor called us in June we weren't currently corresponding with any birth parents. But by the time we started things in August, we had already talked to like 11 birth parents, four of which were pretty seriously considering us. Kirk and I were SO stressed about how everything was coming to a head all at the same time. We kept thinking "what if this works? Holy crap that will be crazy? What will we do?, etc. etc." But we also thought.. "ahhh.. it's not going to work" Not trying to be downers, just really had low expectations about it. I think we were trying to protect ourselves.

So we had our embryo transfer on August 24. Then during the next two weeks we met our first two birth parents face to face! They both made their decisions pretty quickly and were off the table so to speak. Then on September 5 we had our pregnancy test. They took my blood in the morning then called in the afternoon... and told us I was pregnant. I couldn't even talk. I was so shocked I didn't believe it. I went downstairs and told Kirk and he was like "WHAT????" It was so crazy. It didn't really hit us for about 8 weeks to be honest :) (side note, september 5 was the day BYU beat Oklahoma in Football.. Kirk says "this is one of the best days of my life" hilarious)

So in the next two weeks, we met two more birth moms, Mariel included. Then on Monday, September 14, I had an ultrasound to see the embryo and heartbeat. We thought it would feel more real when we saw the heartbeat.. but it didn't really. We're a little slow.

The VERY NEXT DAY, Mariel, the birth mother of the baby boy we are adopting in January, announced to us that she wanted to place with us! We were so excited.. but at the same time felt ultra guilty because we hadn't told her we were pregnant yet. We hadn't told our case worker either. We really debated when we were going to say something. It was still so early in the pregnancy, and we didn't want to have a miscarriage and then lose our chance at adoption. But also.. we just really felt strongly that we were supposed to adopt Mariel's baby no matter what. So anyway... we called our caseworker and said.. "uh.. can we come talk to you immediately? we have something we need to talk to you about" Our poor case worker's head was already spinning from all the face to face meetings and action we had going on. We sit down on her couch and tell her we're pregnant. She totally BURSTS out laughing. :) What do we expect. So a furry of phone calls were made, to her supervisor and Mariel's case worker and the news is broken. Basically when you become prego you are OFF the adoption lists, but because of the timing and just the whole situation, and because Mariel had already announced to us, they said it was OK for us to adopt Mariel's baby if it was what she wanted!

So that night I emailed Mariel and told her basically the whole story, in even more detail than I am writing here if you can imagine, and told her that if she still wanted to place her baby with us we would be so thrilled and honored. We still had our dinner date for the following night, which I posted about two posts down, and I knew we would of course talk more then. Mariel had originally planned this dinner to be a huge and wonderful surprise, but then we dropped this HUGE bomb on her and just didn't know how she was feeling. She didn't respond to my email that night, which I was totally hoping she would. She admitted later that she didn't respond because she still wanted there to be some element of surprise.. stinker. We were so stressed about how she was taking it all. We hadn't meant to be deceitful, we just really didn't know how things would turn out with the pregnancy so we were being careful. In fact, we were planning to tell her that week about it since we had seen the heartbeat and everything.. but she beat us to it! whooooopsie! :)

So we went to dinner.. and the rest is posted below :)

I am 15 weeks pregnant right now. We barely told our family at almost 13 weeks. They couldn't believe that we had kept it a secret, cuz, those of you who know me, and you don't have to know me well, know that I'm quite the open book extrovert. We wanted to wait to tell people until we were technically "out of the woods" at 12 weeks. Kirk was very stressed about it. He even gave me the sturn "IF YOU LOVE ME, you will not say ANYTHING to ANYONE". Sheesh, mister dramatic. Kirk was very proud of me keeping my promise, although it was torture. There are lots of other parts of this story that I've left out.. just more details. I didn't mean to even write this much, but believe it or not this is the short-medium version :) You'll have to call me if you want more.

So there you have it! I'm PREGO!!! I am due May 11. I never ever thought I would have this opportunity. We are so thrilled, and so blessed and have felt our Father in Heaven's loving guidance through this entire process. It has been a roller coaster that's for sure, but He has been beside us the whole way, strengthening us and giving us courage. We are so grateful to Him for the many blessings he has given to us and is giving to us, and that we are finally going to start our family. We just can't believe we will have TWO children in the next 6 months. We know we will get our butts kicked. But we are so excited.

Thank you all for your love and support and friendship. You mean so much to us.

Now maybe I can blog about our life now that I don't have to keep it all a secret anymore! Woo hoo! I probably still won't that often, but it's nice to know it's an option :)

Off to See the Wizard!

I am heading off tomorrow morning to travel to Denver with the Larson girls to see Wicked! I'm so excited. I must admit I wish we could skip the whole drive thing, but It will be so fun. So basically all the girls 12 and up on the Larson side are going, minus one who will be missed dearly. My brother-in-law is taking her place... poor guy. We will have a girly time I'm sure! I'm looking forward to the time away (from work, not so much from Kirk).

Tootles!

THRILLED TO BE ANNOUNCING......

We are adopting a brand new baby boy in January! We are sooooo excited! We feel so blessed and so lucky to have met our amazing Birth Mother, Mariel. She is so awesome. We just clicked from the moment we started communicating. She has such a great sense of humor, she's smart, beautiful, fun, entertaining, confident, talented and has so much maturity and faith. It has been such a pleasure to get to know her and spend time with her. We love her so much and are so honored that she has chosen us to be the parents of her much loved baby boy.

We don't know exactly how to sum it all up because there's so much to tell and I know I won't do it justice. We decided a while ago that we weren't going to try to keep everyone updated on everything all the time because it was just too emotional. So we kinda sorta dropped off the map in case you didn't notice :) We've been so busy trying to find our baby. We didn't hear anything from anyone interested for the first almost two years we were in the adoption pool. Then, all of a sudden, the flood gates opened! Since May, we have been contacted by 12 different birth parents. At one point, we were communicating seriously with four birth mothers. FOUR. We met them all face to face within a period of 2 weeks. Needless to say we were a bit overwhelmed, but we tried to have faith and believe that Heavenly Father would guide us to the right person and the right baby, and we hoped that no one would get hurt. One by one the birth mothers we met started making their final decisions, and we weren't it. But we felt OK about it because we knew something would work out.

Enter Mariel. She is 17. She emailed us pretty early on in her pregnancy. She was very open and honest about where she was in her process, which was awesome and super helpful, but she really hadn't decided what she was going to do. She was keeping all her options open: marriage, adoption, etc. She told us that her mom found our profile and showed it to her (Thank You LeaAnn!). Mariel looked it over and decided to email us to get to know us better. Yay! Our common loves were Brian Regan and Coldplay :) so funny. Anyway, we thought Mariel would be long gone in a short while, afterall, we were the first people she contacted and she still had so long to go and so many choices to make. She was still so honest too about the fact that she was keeping all her options open. So about a week went by before I had responded to this one email from her, which was longer than I meant to take, and she emailed us again saying that she had looked at lots of other profiles but she just didn't like anyone else as much as she liked us! Bless her. So from that day forward (maybe 5-6 weeks ago) we have emailed back and forth pretty much every/every-other day. We became such great friends. I love emailed back and forth with her, she's so hilarious. During the course of our communications, we could see that she was really working things out in her mind and it looked like she was leaning towards adoption. We decided to meet! The first time Kirk and I met her and her mother we spent about four hours with them visiting and going out to lunch! Our conversation was so natural and fun. Then the next week Mariel and I went for a little girl's date and got pedicures and had dinner. We had a great time. She is very down to earth and I think we're just on the same page, which has been so cool.

So the next week, on Wednesday, September 23, Mariel and her parents took Kirk and I out to dinner at Carrabba's (my fave). We walked into the little room where they were seated waiting for us and there was this huge gift basket full of little boy clothes, toys, her favorite books from her childhood, a blanket, etc. It was SO SWEET! She gave us the sweetest card. She told us that she could not give her baby to anyone but us, which just absolutely humbled and amazed us. It was such a special experience sitting there with her while she announced that she was giving us the best gift we could ever receive. A baby. A family! It was so unbelievable. We love her so much and are so excited to meet our little buddy when he is born in January (Jan 18-22, somewhere in there).

This is Kirk and me with Mariel. She's TALL and so naturally beautiful.

This is the gift basket that Mariel and her mom put together for us. Is it not so amazing? I seriously pick up those onesies from time to time and just hold them, visualizing our sweet boy in them and imagining how much we will love him.

We continue to keep in touch with Mariel. She lives very close to us actually, and we will have an open adoption with her. We are trying hard to get ready, emotionally, spiritually and especially physically! Kirk is downstairs hammering away trying to finish our rooms so that we'll have a nice place for him to live. We are grateful for this time to get ready and know it will go fast. We have decided that it doesn't really matter, we will take him whether we're ready or not!! :)

Thank you for all of your love and support. We have been sustained by it during this trial, which seems so strange to call a trial now, and have felt your prayers. We love you and are SO excited to share this news with you!!

Heather & Kirk

Bear Lake

I have fallen in LOVE with Bear Lake. It is the most beautiful place. The lake is huge, blue, cold and gorgeous. The beaches are also amazing... long stretching, soft sand, and so very gradual in depth. The kids and go out and play in the water as if they're in the biggest kiddie pool of life. For the last two summers Kirk's family has had family reunions at Bear Lake. It's a little tradition we like to think we have started. His entire family rents a cabin (well, my generous mother-in-law actually does) and we all pile in. We have a BLAST. We've gone in the middle of the week, so the lake is really not too crazy. We basically boat all day, eat lunch and play with the kids on the beautiful beaches, build sand castles and creatures, head back to the cabin for dinner, games, movies, junk food and whatever else. It has been SO fun.

I just have to say how utterly impressed I am with Kirk's family. We're a huge group, spanning in ages from older (I'll spare the details there) down to our little one-yr-old baby nephew Ryan. About 27 in all. Everyone gets along SO well. After all these years of sunday dinners at grandma's and all our family get-togethers, everybody has just figured out how to be together. It is like I say, very amazing. I'm very lucky to have such wonderful in-laws.

Anyhoo... Bear Lake was awesome. I got FRIED needless to say... but the wake boarding, the wipeouts, the sand whale, the tubing craziness, the famous shakes, the delicious meals, the hot tubbing, and all that jazz.. was fun, FUN business.

SUCH a Slacker...

Obviously blogging has fallen by the wayside temporarily. My brother told me tonight to just post something... ANYTHING.. he suggested- "We're Alive!"

So there you have it.. yes we are still alive. And doing quite well actually. We are happy and doing great. Just busy and distracted.

We are taking off tomorrow morning for Kirk's Family's reunion at Bear Lake.. YEE HAW! We are so excited. We did this last year and it was sooooo fun. If I'm lucky I'll return home with eggshell colored legs, instead of pristine white. My hopes aren't too high though, and neither should yours be.

Anyhoo... sorry I haven't been checking blogs and keeping you all up to date on our very exciting lives.. as though you even noticed. I'll do better soon.. I sorta promise.

On a Happier Note...

The last part of May wasn't half bad!  We celebrated Kirk's birthday on the 17th. He turned 33 years old!  We had a great day.  We worked on the house for the first few hours of the day, then had my family and some Kirk's close friends over for some bbq.  I got him this spiffy helmet for when he goes four wheeling, so his noggin will be safe.  

His aunt gave him this great plant for his office.  We live in a weed-infested unfinished yard, so we've really been in the mood for flowers and plants these days.

The next weekend we got together with some of Kirk's old college roomates, from when he used to live in "the palace".  We went to a park nearby our house and had another bbq while the kids played on the toys and it sprinkled on and off all day.  In attendance were the fabulous Brian and Melanie Gunnel, Marie Bjornberg, and Corey N. (cuz I forgot how to spell his big fat long German last name).  It was SO super fun. To me, there is nothing better than good friends and family.  

We are keeping plenty busy these days with work on the house and with our church callings. Kirk and I put up the crown molding in the master bathroom last weekend and we're on to the bedroom and hallway next. It is exciting to see it all coming together.  

We've been getting up three mornings a week to go for a run, which has been really helpful and good for us.  

Anyway, life is pretty good. I shouldn't complain. I do, but I really shouldn't because we are so blessed in so many ways.

Do I Have What It Takes?

Infertility has really been a humbling experience for me. Thank goodness I have Kirk and our wonderful families and friends to get me through it.  

I am an extrovert. I will tell you almost anything if you ask me.. and even if you don't ask most of the time. I can't help it. It's something I want to work on--haven't started yet--but plan to someday. ;) Often what ends up happening is, something good happens.. not final, not the end.. but a step in the right direction. I know I shouldn't tell anyone about this step in the right direction.. because what if it doesn't work out? It will be so hard and then not only will I have to go through the pain once, but then again every time I tell the people I wasn't supposed to tell the thing to in the first place. But.. I say to myself, 'I need all the support and prayers I can get.. so I have to tell them! It would be silly not to.' You follow? This is my life with infertility. 

We have received correspondence from two different birth mothers in the past two weeks!  It has been an absolute answer to our prayers, and has renewed our hopes beyond anything I could imagine. We have been trying to adopt for almost two years. Now it's possible that we haven't worked as hard as some couples do to find our baby, but we have been trying and putting a lot into our efforts.  This last week is the first time that a birth mother has contacted us personally during our entire time in the adoption 'pool'. I was beginning to think there was something seriously wrong with us :)  

We corresponded several times with this birth couple in the past week.  We are so impressed with them. They seem so mature, and smart, and level-headed, and fun, and too good to be true really.  They are having a baby girl in September.. a baby girl... it is too good to be true.  Well actually yes, yes it is.  They informed us today that they have decided to place their baby girl with another family.  boo.  tears. heartbreak.

Now, I know that the Lord is in charge, and that the right baby is going to come to us, and that everything will work out the way it is supposed to.  But how many more times can I lay my heart out like this?  With each correspondence and question the birth couple asked, Kirk and I spent at least an hour carefully considering our answers, and trying so hard to make sure that we came across as 'ourselves', that we were sensitive and careful in our responses. It was absolutely exhausting.  We fasted, we prayed, we felt good... apprehensive because we knew nothing was decided... but good. We were so excited.  I actually had a little bounce in my step, for the first time in I don't know.. a year? This could have been it as far as our feelings were concerned.  

Maybe I'm over reacting a smidgen, but I just don't know how I'm supposed to keep putting my heart and soul into this process, only to have it rejected time and time again.  How am I supposed to keep doing this? How? I want to be a mother so, so badly. Kirk wants to be a father so, so badly.  It is completely impossible to describe how we ache for this. 

I just don't get it.